Papa G

Papa G,

My heart, a few words, for you. To read whenever you need. A reminder of all that you are and how grateful I am, for you.

Genetically, I’d like to firstly thank you for my eyelashes and for skin that seems to fight age with such ease, it can be deemed unfair.

Thank you for my ability to speak honestly and with good intent. You’ve created an open space that has always allowed me to navigate through life as the driver. The driver who may take some questionable turns, yet you’ve provided the time and knowledge to always navigate back on track. You make sure I have my seatbelt on, sit in the passenger seat and offer encouragement and guidance.

You supply me with the perfect mix of freedom and support. Love and discipline. Thank you for highlighting the importance of keeping a clean car. For introducing new music and showing me how to place a bet. Thank you for being the greatest Dad and Pappy to our angel, we are very lucky and forever grateful. My heart is full, knowing we have created a bond that cannot be broken.

The road ahead does seem scary. A featureless landscape. A flash, a reckoning and white noise. It has tested all the strength I have. Fear lingers from every corner. I talk and my voice breaks. Now the road ahead is blurred, tears have created a pool of distortion.

I stop, get out of the car and move to the passenger seat.

You’re driving this next stage of the journey Dad. I’m merely a passenger and will offer the support and guidance that you’ve always provided me. I will make sure our seatbelts are on, I’ll choose all the good music and be right there when we hit a bump.

And maybe, just maybe in this space where nothing is clear and nothing is fair. Maybe in this space, we will look to each other and find our way.

I will love and support every decision you make, guide you and hold your hand throughout. I will look after you, listen to you and be a voice of reason.

One thing I’ve learnt through grief is strength doesn’t always come from battling alone. It takes a heroic leap to be vulnerable and sometimes all you need is a good passenger, to ease the road ahead.

Love is the only thing time cannot touch.

I love you.

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